Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
