I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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