No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
