Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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