I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
