No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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