Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
zippers are such a cool invention
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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