So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
