Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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