My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
