A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
