My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
