He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
