So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
