Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
