i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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