I wish my penis had an off switch
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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