and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
