he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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