In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
