Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
