Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
