There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
