Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
