my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
