this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
