After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
