the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
