We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
