Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
