i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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