I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
