We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
