Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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