i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
