I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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