Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
