I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
