Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
