My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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