He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
