My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
