she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
