Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize