yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
