this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
