He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
