What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
