my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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