Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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