I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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