i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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