OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
ugly people sure do ruin things
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
