Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize