perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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