its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
