I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
