Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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