I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
