is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
