I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
