remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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