Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
