forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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