Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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