Too much gin, very little bucket
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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