I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
