so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
