let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.