you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.