Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.