I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.