I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
