I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
