I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
