i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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