The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
