Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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