UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
