need another drink. this is the easiest way
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
