I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
