so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
