Four minutes until I can fart!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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